


The Sound of Silence

by deansperrie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Dean, Depression, F/M, Female!Dean, Genderswap, Graphic Description, Incest, Miscarriage, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-20 00:23:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5986069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansperrie/pseuds/deansperrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deanna loses the one thing her and Sam wanted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sound of Silence

When Deanna found out she was pregnant, her and Sam were more than happy. Sam couldn't believe it happened so soon, since they had gotten married in secret two months ago. But they were like rabbits sometimes, and it wasn't like they were preventing it. Sam hated condoms and Deanna discontinued her birth control because of the irregular periods it caused her. And Sam didn't believe in the pull out game, and Deanna wasn't about the "cum on my stomach" life, so it stays put inside her. 

And one night it decided to create a baby. 

Deanna was 16 weeks, and she was gaining a big bump. She changed her appetite, she stopped eating such fatty, greasy foods and cut out all alcohol. Sam bought her prenatal vitamins that tasted like berries and signed her up for a website that would tell her what the baby looked like at the time. The two were slowly starting that apple pie life that Sam always wanted, buying an apartment near Bobby and leaving the guest room for the baby. 

But their happiness soon turned into sorrow. 

On the night of October 21st, around 3AM, Deanna woke up to cramps and the urge to push. Thinking she was just backed up and needed to use the bathroom, she carefully crawled out of their bed, trying not to wake Sam. She tiptoed to the bathroom across the hall, shutting the door behind her and flinching at the bright lights. She pulls her nightshorts down, rubbing her face as she pees and waits for the rest to happen. 

She glances down at her underwear, gasping when she notices the giant stain of blood in the cotton. She stands up, reaching in between her legs, finding them smeared with blood. She throws off her underwear, crying. Little streaks of blood were coming from her hole, leaving her pale skin bloodied crimson. She stares at her hands, knowing in her heart what was going on. She screams bloody murder, hearing Sam wake and race to the bathroom. The door slams open, Sam finding Deanna sitting in a pool of her own blood. 

"Deanna!" He yells, dropping to his knees, looking for the source of blood.

When Sam realizes the blood is from her vagina, his heart shatters. He grabs his phone and calls 911, trying to pick Deanna up. She stays put, staring at her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. He holds her closely, the tears in his eyes falling. They both knew what was happening, and Deanna is overcome with cramps. She bears down, screaming. Sam just coaxes her through the cramps, both of them crying. 

When the paramedics come, Deanna is in a forced labor. The doctors help her deliver the tiny fetus, Deanna wailing when they take it away from her. They force her into a stretcher, Sam calling Bobby and telling him to meet him at the hospital. Deanna is sedated as they ride to the hospital, the paramedics afraid her hysterical crying and emotions would harm her organs. Sam holds her frozen hand, sobbing into her arm. 

 

\---

Deanna comes to in a hospital room, Sam, Bobby, Castiel, and Jody sitting around her. Sam's the first to notice she's awake, jumping to his feet and hugging her. She chokes back a sob, noticing the looks of sympathy coming from her family. Jody's crying, having a personal experience with losing her own child. Deanna reaches for the woman, letting her hug her tightly. Jody tells her she isn't alone, that it's going to be okay soon. 

But Deanna begs to differ.

Deanna lost her baby. She delivered her barely developed child. She forced her body to eject the one thing she loved the most. Deanna doesn't realize she's overcome with sobs until Jody's replaced with Sam, his strong arms cradling her small figure. She feels her empty stomach push against him, sobbing. Sam starts to rock her, rubbing her back and whispering in her ear. She knows he's crying too, she can feel the tears on her shoulders. 

"We were going to find out the gender next week." She whispers brokenly

"I know, baby, I know." He responds

"It isn't fair! Why can't we be happy? Why does things always happen to us? Why was MY baby taken from me?" She says hysterically, pleading to nobody, "Maybe it's Lucifer's plan. Maybe he cursed us. Maybe--," 

Deanna's cut off by Bobby, "Enough of that Deanna. Lucifer had nothing to do with this. Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault." 

"The baby was healthy, I did everything I could to make sure of that. Why would it just go?" She whispers

"Deanna, just because the baby was healthy, doesn't mean something couldn't happen." Jody rubs her arm

The doctor walks in, taking in the depressing scene, sighing, "Deanna Winchester?" 

She chokes, ready to hear, "Your sudden miscarriage was caused by a placental abruption. Your placenta detached from the uterine lining, causing blood flow to be cut off from the baby. Who, although was outstandingly healthy, couldn't live without the vitamins from your blood. This happens more than we'd like, and I'd like for you to know there was no way you could've known it was happening. This was not your fault, it was a freak accident. It also doesn't cause infertileness, so if you wanted, you can get pregnant again, but be careful. Our condolences are with you and your family," 

As the doctor turns to leave, Deanna strangling asks, "Do you know the gender?" 

The doctor stops, Sam speaking, "Deanna," 

"I want to know." She demands

"We do know the gender, the baby's genitals were formed." He responds, "You were carrying a girl," 

Deanna blinks, the tears swarming in her eyes, "We were gonna have a girl, Sammy. A little girl." She loses it again, rolling onto her side, facing away from everyone, sobbing into her pillow. 

Sam sits back, letting himself become overcome with sadness at the loss of his daughter. He feels Bobby's hand on his shoulder, tears in the old mans eyes. Sam lets his eyes rest on Deanna's shaking figure, not wanting to feel how badly she felt. The pain in his heart and the gnawing in his stomach was bad enough. Sam gets to his feet, taking Castiel outside with him.

The angel is teary-eyed, "Sam, I am so sorry," 

"Did you know?" Sam asks

"No, Sam, I didn't. I didn't sense the distress, and that is my fault," 

"No, Cas, it isn't. I know you've would've told us. This just fucking sucks," 

Castiel stays silent, letting Sam cry on his shoulder. 

 

\----

 

It's November 19th, not even a month after Deanna lost the baby. 

Deanna's deteriorated drastically, losing too much weight and becoming skin and bones. Sam could count her ribs and see her hipbones visibly through any article of pants. She stopped talking, usually responding with a look or a noise. She sat in the nursery alot, just staring at the onesies they had bought for the big gender reveal. She doesn't cry anymore, she believes her tears dried up. 

Deanna's resorted to slicing up her skin to relieve the pain her heart felt. She never let anything affect her like this, but losing her daughter destroyed her. Deanna saw no point in life anymore, all she was was a baby killer. She couldn't carry a child (or so she believes), it would just die and suffer like her daughter. Deanna went back to drinking, probably helping her lose so much weight, since she didn't eat. 

She drank her body weight. 

Sam was more than worried. Deanna cut everyone off. People thought she was dead by how she dropped off the face of the Earth. He kept in touch with everyone, letting them know she was alive, but far from okay. He watched his wife's curvy body turn into a skeleton. She stopped eating, she drank more, he even believes she started smoking. Her hair lost the sleek and bright brown, turning dull and lifeless. Her skin is grayish, her once tan skin dead and gone. Her eyes were sunken in, the life in them as dead as their child. 

Deanna barely registered what she was doing, until she was bleeding. She cut her wrist in zigzags, watching the blood pour out of her skin. She leans against the bathtub, gasping for air. She imagined herself as her baby, drowning without blood, gasping without air. She screams, crying the tears she thought she stopped producing. She was going to die to be with her child, and that sounded okay to her. 

 

\--

 

December 15th, 2016. 

It's been 14 months since Sam and Deanna lost their baby, and since Deanna tried committing suicide. Things got better, Deanna got help, and Sam watched as she turned back into her old self. Better yet, she was expecting another child. And this time, everything was okay. She was 28 weeks, carrying another baby girl. Her placenta stayed in place, the baby was growing normally, she was huge. 

And on February 27th, Deanna delivered a baby girl. A healthy 7 pounds 8 ounces, 20 inches long.

She named her daughter Joanna Mary Winchester. 

 

The end.


End file.
